:: Tuesday, April 18, 2006 ::
Well, Happy New Year everyone...Yeah it's been a while since I've posted. Not sure why. I don't have to vent on a regular basis, so why would I post anything? You guys don't need to find out what happens to me everyday of my rather uneventful life do ya? I see people often enough lol. So why do I keep a blog going even though I update on an uneven, better yet, totally fucking random basis? For posts like this:
:: Wednesday, December 28, 2005 ::
K......man I hate writing the first sentence fo anything, that always seems to be the hardest part for me whenever I write something, be it a paper or blog or whathaveyou. I never seem to be able to summarize an idea initially, i.e. to let the reader know what I'm about to be talking about. So for those that don't know, I will start from about December 10. I got a DUI in Escanaba, MI that night, on the way back from a bar. Spent the night in jail, got some great thinking done, cried a little bit actually, and proceeded to get the barbed shaft (heretofore referred to as 'Ole Rusty') from the Michigan in every way they could think of. But, it's almost over now, I'm almost out of debt with them, I only owe the police dept. like 200 bucks, and the treasury, yes, the treasury, about 450, and I will be good. Hopefully by the start of the summer I will be all squared away and have it behind me. But, I'm not there yet, so fuck a positive view in that regard. Next order of business, October. I'm not sure if there is a reason I haven't really stated my opinion to anyone about this, perhaps I was never asked directly, or I never brought it up, I don't know. I'm not even sure what to say... I feel sorry, for Lauren and especially for Flip (Finnegan). I feel bad for whoever tries to be his father, and whoever Lauren ends up with, because that will be an unfortunate burden for him, one that he doesn't deserve.When the day comes to tell Flip what happened, it better not fucking be raining. I feel bad for Sis, I can't begin to imagine what that must be like, to lose a husband, and then a son. I am mad at the fact that he did it, I think that goes without saying really. I hate the fact that whenever his name gets mentioned, there is a split second of awkwardness, like it's a taboo subject, but at the same time I never want that feeling to go away. I'm not going to pretend to know exactly what was going on with him toward the end. I'm not going to say that I was his best friend, nor was he mine, but he WAS a very good friend nonetheless, one that I had some pretty deep, revealing conversations with regularly, some of the best actually. I am almost going to miss him telling me that Slipknot sucked, because that usually spawned music talk, and with him, those talks were always great. I'm going to miss the fact that we owned in spades, well, we either owned or got rocked, but it was fun nonetheless. I'll miss playing Master of Puppets-air guitar style-with him sometimes, that was just crazy. I'm not really that sad anymore about the whole thing, I'm more angry. When I think about it, I just shake my head and call him a stupid motherfucker. I have lost a lot of respect for him for that reason as well. I feel that he took the easy wasy out. It's bullshit that he is wherever he is, and we are here dealing with the shit he left behind. To quote Ms. Lulu, "Wrongest Man Ever." Couldn't have said it better myself.
Lately I've been drinking a lot. By lately I mean the last 6 months. By a lot I mean too much. I'm not an alcoholic, I have decided that I am a problem drinker, and that really depresses me. It doesn't help when people say this shit to me. It doesn't help that when I ask for rides to avoid drinking and driving I get told that I'm not 'priviledged.' Noone should give me a ride whenever I go out, that would be a burden. But I don't ask for a ride every time, do I? I'm not priviledged, and that was a bullshit thing to say. I'm trying to avoid jailtime at almost all costs, I'll be honest. I'm trying to not drink as much, and the fact that I say that right now pisses me off. I should probably quit for a while. I'm kind of disgusted with myself for even being in this position. What has changed in the last four years? We used to go out and drink just about every single night, especially in the summer. That was normal. When I do that now, everyone assumes I'm a drunk. Well fuck that. I hate myself for even having to write this, really. It's crazy to me that I'm even in this mindset, what with plenty of other things to think about. Like my job, which isn't 'real.' Apparently because I don't work in a factory or a cubicle I'm not worthwhile in society. Who needs to HEAR the music? Let's just let them play onstage, and we'll all just run and try and get as close as we can...ya know, to watch. But, I have had to give that up, at least for this year. My Dad needs the help this year, what with what happened last year, when he was in his....fog, we'll say. The fact that I have no direction in life right now leaves me in an awkward position. I'm not sure what I want to focus on. One thing that has helped me out immensely is working with Annahfought. Say what you will, I have enjoyed every minute of it. It takes my mind off all other things, and I am helping out a band that I honestly think could be popular. I have been looking into getting them shows, getting them some press soon hopefully, and a myriad of other things. Maybe I'll start a management company, depending on how Annahfought turns out. All they need is direction, and with all roads leading to the horizon right now, I think I can help them. There. Maybe the next post will be on a bit of a lighter note.
:: Colin 8:17 PM [+] ::
FINALLY. Christmas and all of it's glorious bullshit is over, and for now, my only wish is that we get through these next few days without any serious drama, I say serious because I don't really consider the everyday bullshit very important. And, as I said in my last post, happy '06 Better Not Suck As Much As 05' to everyone
:: Wednesday, December 07, 2005 ::
:: Colin 5:48 PM [+] ::
A date that will live in infamy...
:: Friday, December 02, 2005 ::
Not sure if there was supposed to be a Part 2 to 'Here Goes' but if there is, this can be it .
So I had a dream last night which is quite possibly the most fucked up dream that I've had since the Apacolypse dream (A-ron can tell you about that). I had a dream that I was watching Questionable Content. Mind you, there is no animated version. Anyway, I was watching this show with my brother Sean in my den, and it happened to be this episode. Well, while I was watching this, they happened to be talking about King instead of her father, and well, I think I might have lost it in my sleep because it seemed to replay the last frame in the comic at least four or five times and every time I knew what was going to happen and I had to cover my face to keep from seeing it in action.
P.S. to A-ron and Nate: Fuck that.
:: Colin 2:00 AM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, November 29, 2005 ::
I've been feeling fairly depressed lately, and as I"m sure at least some of you know what I've been going through; I think it's absolutely warranted. I've always been pretty good at keeping my feelings and honest thoughts to my self, but are tiems when you need to say what you can't keep in anymore. I actually hadd to smoke a cigarette before I started this post because I didn't really how, or what exactly to say. Plus, I wanted to try and collect my thoughts, so this would have at least some semblance of continuity, which, I'm sure you will find to have come to no avail whatsoever.
This has been going on gradually since before King (R.I.P. asshole). I think around the time I stopped working full time for Badger Sound. Things were slowing down at work, I was only going up there once a week, tops. So, I started working for my Dad again, which isn't all bad, but I'd really rather be doing something else, like working more with AnnahFought. So, yeah working for my dad, working for my dad, then this woman comes up to us one day, we'll call her Kathy cus that's the moist cunt's fucking name. She came up to us one day looking for scrap lumber. Apparently this and the few other times she came around, sparked some sort of relationship between her and my Dad. He told my mom that it wasn't sexual in any way.
My dad, this year had brought on too much work, flat out, and now he finally admits it. He was stressed out, money problems had pretty much taken control of him, that eventually led into a serious case of depression, which he now is taking some medication for. There were a few times about a month ago, where he wouldn't come home at night. Eventually he just stopped coming home at all. One of the last days I actually 'worked for my dad,' all Rickey (other guy I work with) and I did all day was collect all of our shit from the various garages that we were working at. We were pretty much pulling the plug on all of our projects, and my Dad had more or less decided to call it quits for the winter. In September.
Now it turns out, much to my chagrin, that he has been staying at this bitch's house all this time. One of the guys who used to work with us saw his fucking truck parked on the corner where she lived. He called Rickey, and he told me about it. Now, after the third or fourth night of not seeing my Dad, I had assumed that this was the case, but I had simultaneously done the best to keep as far away from possible truth as I could. I went over to the house, called my mom, told her we found him, she went over, and I left, which I think was a smart move.
BAM=>KING=world turned inside out, then fucked in the ass with a railgun. I think I did pretty well through the whole ordeal of that Monday night at Coasters, and I didn't even think I'd be able to sit through the funeral and leave without falling apart a little bit. But that same night at Coasters, again, I don't want to say this, but it was as if everyone that night (myself included) decided to just not deal with anything, save for the people that didn't come and wanted to cope/do their own thing. Which is absolutely fine, I don't care how ya do it, as long as you can do it healthily. But, I'm assuming that that night can be blamed entirely on alcohol. Just about everyone who came that night left that place in a drunken funk that, at least, I needed. The funny things is, I have had 2 nights sober since Oct. 24.
So, things started moving slowly along, and we finally got a conirmation, a drunken one, but a confirmation nonetheless, that my Dad was going to be living there for while. A while turned into a mite shy of a month. Eventually, we got him to see a counselor with the rest of the family to more or less explain what had been going on. We all went, and it was a rollicking fuckin time. Less than a week after that, he stole my fucking car. I was in Escanaba, and when I got back there was a message talking about the police having my plate number and shit. That same night, I was on my way to, well, Coasters oddly enough, and I spotted my car at the church. My mom coincidentally enough was driving like two block behind me, also saw my car, and we both got out and went in. We found him in a room on the third floor with an almost empty six pack in front of him. I told him I was taking my car, and then I walked to my car, only to find a couple trashbags full of clothes, a handful of empty beer cans, and an empty bottle of cheap peppermint schnapps. Oh, and like a pound of lettuce and sauce and shit from a Big Mac the drunk ass tried to eat. My car smelled wierd for like a week.
But, on the bright side, my Dad has continued to see the counselor in sessions with my mom however often. He is now living in our house again, although he's sleeping in my brother's room. things are starting to look, aside from all of the varied levels of "Ole Rusty" I get from various financial instutions in the next few months. That's my main conern right now, money. I need to fucking move out of this cubby hole I live in right now, get a decent place that's not too expensive, and start doing my thing. I need to win the lottery, then take a fucking vacation.
Oh, and this cold air can fuck right off as well.
:: Colin 3:06 AM [+] ::
Believe it or not, I have a lot to say, I just need to find my voice, then say it.
:: Tuesday, October 25, 2005 ::
:: Colin 1:41 AM [+] ::
:: Monday, July 25, 2005 ::
:: Colin 7:24 PM [+] ::
It's a good thing not to many, if any, people read this, they might be getting annoyed at the randomness of the updates here lol. So.....I am working for Badger Sound in Milwaukee now. I love the job but the work is pretty rough if you know what I mean. I'm a Sound Tech, to put a title on it, but I do a lot of different stuff there. Most of the time I am busy as fuck and I don't get to hang out with anyone as much as I'd like to. But I'll take the paychecks.
:: Saturday, February 26, 2005 ::
:: Colin 1:26 PM [+] ::
So I went down to Paddy'o's tonight with a couple of freinds. All went well until these fucking Hitler youth showed up. Turns out I know one of them from Parkside. An English class to be precise, his name is Chris. He is this huge, burly, Henry Rollins-is-my-hero type of guys. He has these friends that are fairly good at pool. Dave and I end up being the last people they play for the evening. Keep in mind they only played two games of pool. Last game of the night, Dave and I lose to these guys, and we shake hands and it's all good. Up until around last call, that is. The two guys come up to us saying that we owe them a drink. Now I know motherfucking well that we had never agreed on this, nor did the people that played them before us because we were talking to them while they were playing. They got all huffy and threatened to beat us up. We tried to reason, but it was all in vain. They said that the next time they saw us that we either had to buy them a drink or they would 'smash' us. Duh. About that time, Chris, who doesn't remember me obviously threw a not so empty can of Pabst (oh, sweet irony) at my head. I ducked, but it hit the wall behind me and sprayed all over Dave. Then, the fucking bartender kicked us out. And, as I was walking out, I looked out the window to see them all standing there like the bunch of drunken buffoons they were. One of the guys saw me, told me to have a good night, and he said he hoped I payed up. Thankfullly, I ended up in my car without a scratch.
:: Friday, February 04, 2005 ::
There are a few things I should have done differently in this situation:
1. I should have told them that I knew they were fucking with us because of our size(s)
2. I should have jumped on the table in the beginning, as it was my table before they showed up.
3. I should have grabbed Chris and talked to him for a minute to see if he remembered me, as if that would have fucking chaged anything anyway.
4. I should have told them to fuck off from the start. Granted that would have almost definitely ended up with me and Dave getting our asses handed to us on three different plates by three different Mr. Universe contestants, but both Dave and I have cell phones and we could have identified at least one of them. Whether or not we would have been able to speak is a moot point.
It's times like these when I am truly grateful for being who I am. I am glad that I am not some fucking hooligan (the word actually applies in this case) that gets a kick out of fucking with other people. Not fucking with like making fun of sometimes, but fucking with like Brad Pitt-Fight Club style fucking with. People like the assholes that we had to deal with piss me off.
One time Mike and I drove down to Chicago for whatever reason, and we stopped at a gas station in Evanston (IL) at around 2 in the morning. Here we are, driving around having fun, drinking Dr. Pepper almost by the gallon, having a blast, and I take him to the city of my fucking birth, and the first thing that happens is we get asked for money by some homeless fuck sitting in front of the station with his friend. After we say we don't have any money to give, these motherfuckers at a gas pump ask Mike if he wants to buy crack or something, I really don't know, he didn't really tell me. That's how I feel about the guys we encountered tonight. People like that should be wiped from existence altogether. There's no point for that. They come in, probably drunk already, with their girlfriends (whole other story) and act all cool with you, until they are kind of bored and then they want to start shit. The saddest part is, I know that Chris isn't really like that. He's not the brightest bulb in the box by any means, but he has better things to do than walk around trying to get people to give him as reason to beat them up. Henry Rollins wouldn't do that, he's too smart.
I've lost my faith in man again.
:: Colin 3:06 AM [+] ::
Blah Blah Blah, my pussy hurts.
:: Wednesday, January 19, 2005 ::
This year has pretty much sucked for me so far. I've done nothing but wait for things to happen, and spend money on dumb shit. It's been pretty depressing. My mom has put more miles on my car than I have, and she has it right now in Green Bay. I am nominated to drive my siblings around everywhere they want to go, whether it be a friends house or whatever. People try and trivialize what I've accomplished, my schoolwork, my intelliengce, what my goals are, hell, even my fucking existence sometimes. I'm taken for granted more often than not. I've ranted about this same thing so many times on here it's not even funny. I don't know what I should do to try and change it. People wouldn't take me seriously anyway. There is almost nothing as far as support from my peers goes, aside from a drunken expression of disgust sometimes. I can't afford my car, well I can afford the car but not the insurance, which I need because of the loan involved. I need to find a job so I can actually start paying some things off. After the check clears from my bogus-ass ticket, I will have 8 dollars in my account. I will owe 469$ by March 1st, unless I can switch to Geico by then. No matter what I put into the forms online, it doesn't matter because I need to account for everyone I live with, which is going to seriously fucking shaft me. I am annoyed by people who falsify their personalities in accordance with what is 'cool' for a given week. I hate people who can dish it out, but when, perchance, they get a little back, can't take it. I am annoyed by people who are intent on running other people's lives, regardless of relationship status, or if they even like each other. I hate people that nothing is good enough for. I hate people that constantly compare themselves to others, simply to try to one-up people. I don't know what else to say. I've been bothered by these things for a VERY long time, and this is the only place I feel I can be completely and utterly honest, for risk of someone getting pissed and trying to beat my ass because I have a goddamn opinion and somethings annoy me. Not that that has stopped people from being pissed about my opinion, which, I might add, is rarely spoken by me or asked of me when it comes to things of this nature. And I'm sure that if people read this and don't like something, I'm sure I will hear about indirectly, unless of course they are decent enough to talk to me about it with me.
:: Colin 9:30 PM [+] ::
Well, I've been on the right track and getting my shit straight for a while now, at least since I started at MMI, and I think I can manage for a while longer. What I want to do is start my own venue, that is, for shows. There are a select few places that bands actually want to play at around here, and I think that with my love for music, and with the people that I know who are supporting me (two hands to count, tops), I think that I can really help the music scene in this area out. I might have to start off with a place the size of George's or the like, which is ok, but I don't want the place to be a bar first and a place for bands second. I want it the other way around. Now I know that many people have said and then not done that, but that is the driving force behind this little venture. I have the skills and will have the know-how to do it, and the more I think about how much fun it would be to be able to get to know new bands (hopefully) every night, the more the determination and commitment levels rise.
:: Monday, January 03, 2005 ::
There is a girl by the name of Reba who I went to school and graduated with at MMI, who sort of turned me on to the whole idea, except she had sort of a different plan from the start. She wants a record store/coffee shop/venue. I would love to chat with her about this for a while and maybe hatch some ideas, but she lives in Milwaukee and is busy all the time so it's hard to get some time. That would be extraordinarily cool to say the least, but the market for coffeeshops isn't nearly as big as it was a few years ago, just look at Hepcatz/Cyber Grounds/ ABCB. There a few in Milwaukee that are doing just splendidly, but there are exceptions to every rule. As for the record store part, I love going and looking and shopping for music. I'm always broke so I don't get that opportunity very often, which I think helps make it special. But, record stores dont' make enough money, flat out. Unless you are the size of Best Buy, or have the hometown clout of a place like Mainstream Music or B-side Records in Madison, it is really really hard to get and keep the place afloat. I really like the idea of the all-in-one approach though. I think it could actually work. What wouldn't be cooler than going with your friends, slacking the day away in the coffee shop, listening to music, possibly hearing a band that you like playing in the background, and then, best case scenario, going down the fuckin stairs to see them play that same night? As for me, I wouldn't leave.
I suppose this place would have to be about the size of a Border's, or maybe a little bigger. There would need to be sufficient space for the coffee shop, tables and chairs and whathaveyou. I want the record store are to be about as big as, say an Exclusive Company store, or maybe an FYE dept. store. The venue part would be in the basement, or first floor, whatever, which would have to be fuckin huge, like enough for 1500 people. That's the pinnacle of the place, at least. About the size of the Rave room. I can always start out with a 300 person space or something, we'll have to see. That's where my heart will lie. I will be focused on that part of it moreso than any other, as that is my passion. I will be the toughest on myself in this aspect as well, as far as shelling out cash for gear and the like, which I will personally research and purchase and oversee installation of. The room has to sound good, and if the room doesn't, I and whoever else will make it.
So that's the dream. I will do my best in school and reasearch and all else involved to make this happen. Any advice from anyone who reads this is welcome.
:: Colin 9:02 PM [+] ::
So back to Parkside it is, lol. I never thought I would say that. Damn their Business prgram being one of the best in the country it damn Parkside for being so close and tempting. I called Theron Snell (Schnell?), the Advising Officer and explained a little bit of my situation to him, and he said that I need to re-write an appeal letter. Man, here I am writing fucking papers again. Here's the catch. The letter needs to be in his hands by noon of Jan. 10th. Fine. Problem is, I really want to talk to him in length and find out what he has to say. He's not available for an appointment until the 12th. That fucking figures. So, I think I'm going to have to wait until next semester to re-start my career at Parkside. I'm going to go for a Business degree, or at least a few business classes. Sadly enough, I miss school. Hopefully Nick will be able to get me that job at Circuit City so I will have something to do until school starts next semester. Or even better yet, how about a job in my FUCKING FIELD! dammit people, hire me....please...
:: Saturday, December 04, 2004 ::
:: Colin 4:17 PM [+] ::
Maybe I should update this thing a little more frequently....Prolly not. Newayze, I still haven't found a job, but I got a 98 Pontiac Grand Prix, which I love, at least so far. I bought on Monday of this week, and I slid into a ditch on Tuesday. It was awesome. I hate the fact that you have to have a towing license in order to legally be able to pull someone out of a ditch, or any other towing needs people may have. If you didn't need one, This guy Joey would have freed me from the ditch, and I might have been able to get out of a 114$ ticket, whic I'm going to fight anyway. This was my first time skidding in a front wheel drive car, and now I need to relearn how to drive in one. Oddly enough, as were about to give up pulling my car out, we were walking up to the road, and down the road comes Beka, who sees us, slows down, and slides into the ditch across the street from us. Therer was no way that we could (we being Joey) pull her out with just an F150. Tha was actually kinda funny, once I ran over to them and made sure everyone was ok. Other than that, aint shit changed, bitch, check-nuts. I've been workin with my dad, tryin to find a real job. The woman from Badger Sound in West Allis said to call her in March. Sweet ;/ I realy think I'm going to end up working at like Speedway or some bullshit like that. And that better not happen. I'm out.
:: Monday, November 01, 2004 ::
:: Colin 6:54 PM [+] ::
The gravity in the corridor is non-refundable. If you want to know what this means, talk to Aron.
:: Wednesday, September 22, 2004 ::
Happy belated Halloween to everyone that matters, hope all is well. Well, the last few weeks have been all but interesting, but what else is new...heh.. I've been giving people calls looking for jobs, but I'll be damned if people that do the hiring at these companies know how to use email, or pick up a damn phone for that matter. I've actually been trying to, when I have time. This situation reminds me of, well, my EXACT FUCKING POSITION BEFORE I WENT TO FUCKING SCHOOL!!! Except my dad is letting me work for him for a while, until winter when he isn't going to be able to pay anyone other than himself. Something better fucking pan out by then, or I will have to have some words with a certain Susan Miller of Madison Media Institute, and ask her where her 37 million contacts in her friggin Rolodex are, and why I don't have their contact information. Not to mention the fact that everything she has emailed to me, EVERYTHING, I have already looked at or know about. Hell, I was showing her websites to look at.
I'm saving up for a car right now, well at least a down payment of some type. I plan on taking a car loan out at ECU (Educator's Credit Union) because they have pretty sweet loan rates. But I need to have something lined up for at the latest December, as I won't be able to work for my dad that late in the year. Plus, I would like to move back out of this god-forsaken house, but I think it's better if I take one thing at a time.
Oh, and another thing. Someone, around 7:30 this morning, threw a fucking brick through my mom's van's driver side window, reached in and stole her purse. She had just gotten back from dropping the kids off at school and was running in to grab her shit before she left for work. Now, considering how busy the streets were when I walked outside to listen to the cop say absolutely nothing useful, I can't believe that noone saw, or heard a shattering fucking car window. My mom's cell was in the van, and when she called the phone number to tell them waht happened, she found out that the bastard had called a few people about 8 minutes after he took the purse. The only things my mom is pissed about are her palm pilot, which held everything ever, and the gift cards she bought as Christmas presents for whoever. She is currently trying to find out if she can get the mnoney back, or have the cards replaced, which I doubt but would be cool.
I can't think of anything else to complain about today.
:: Colin 3:58 PM [+] ::
So I finally graduated college, or 'school' as some would have me say. I can't say that it was terribly hard either. I am thankful that I had no real expectations of the school, as a good number of the people that go, and that went there were not happy with what they left with. I am quite content and comfortable with what I have learned, even if I am a minority in that respect. Anyway, the time has come for me to re-enter the workforce, but I fully intend to take whatever advantage I can over people with this degree, and whatever that leads me to, so be it, provided I am happy with what I am doing. There are a few things in the mix right now. One being a guy in Cincinatti that one of teachers (Biff Blumfumgagne) knows, who hooked him up with a guy named Adrian Blue. This guy books people for tours, i.e. giutar techs, cooks, roadies, and what-have-you. Another prospect is a company in Milwaukee called the Burst Collective , but that is a free internship which I would rather not do. The ultimate for me, at least is the touring route. I've always wanted to travel and not really had the opportunity, minus a couple of roadtrips and moving a handful of times. Live sound is where it's at for me. I love shows and going to shows, as well as looking over the FOH Engineer's should, keeping tabs on what he is doing to keep the band sounding good no matter what the GD musicains are doing onstage. I haven't had the chance to observe the Monitor Engineer in action yet, but he is usually offstage somewhere, but within line-of-sight with the band members so as to compensate in adjustments for what the band members are doing. I was asked by Biff if I could do this, and seeing as I know how the structure is set up as far as signl flow and problem areas, I said yes, but I have never operated an actual monitor specific board, but how hard can it be? So, I'm hoping that Biff can pull through for me on this one as he has in the past, and get me a gig maybe as a guitar tech for an opening band or something of that nature.
:: Wednesday, July 28, 2004 ::
:: Colin 5:48 PM [+] ::
So yeah, I haven't blogged in a while and I'm sure the zero/1 people/person are very upset....
I'm about to graduate MMI, yay, and I'm have absolutely no fuckin clue as to whaI would like to do afterwards. There are a couple of internships available in Milwaukee which sound pretty cool, but I would really like to stay in Madison if I could. The only problem is money. This place is damn expensive to live in. I would need a full-time job right out of school, and with the booming economy in conjunction with our genius of a president, the outlook on that scenario is looking pretty bad. So maybe I'll blog some other time, I am actually kind of busy with mixing Steve's band AnnahFought (website will be up soon) and doing the karaoke thing on Tuesdays for class.
:: Colin 8:05 PM [+] ::