:: Against the Sky ::

Can't say that I'm ahead of my time, I fear my time will never come.
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:: Friday, November 08, 2002 ::

I really despise blogger with every fiber of my being right now because I had something like a four page post on here and then I accidentally hit tab and then enter and everything disappeared. I would like very much to take this computer and throw it out the window at someone. I really don't know what to write about tonight. I guess all I can do is just keep rrambling and maybe some sort of topic will surface. Until then, don't ask what I'm talking about because really I'm not even thinking anymore, not tonight anyway. You know what really sucks, writer's block. This is one of the worst things that could ever happen to a person, namely a writer, or anyone who has to write a paper. I, I have to write a blog/journal entry once a week, and constantly need to have ideas floating around in my head, in addition to every paper that I have to write for this same class, as well as what I would like to write. It kind of sucks when you can't think of anything profound to write about, which is what I try to do in each one of these entries, obviously demonstrated by my feeling the need to post my autobiography. I could post one of my ROPE papers but that really isn't very original now is it?

I've often wondered what it would be like to be a normal huiman being who was content with life in general. I on the other hand I have always had something to complain about. It might have been trivial at the time or it may have been that noone cared, but like I said there has always been something. I can't understand why life needs to be so hard sometimes. It is full of everyday choices which, sometimes, end up mapping out the rest of your life. I face one of these such choices right now. I need to decide before too long if college is the place for me. With the grades that I am getting and have been getting it wouldn't seem like it would be the right decision to make right out of high school. I'm hoping that next semester will turn out a little better. I should be getting a 2.0 to be able to stay in school for next semester. On the other hand if I don't get a 2.0 then I get kicked out of school AGAIN. That's waht really pisses me off. The fact that I know I can do better than this but when it comes down to it, can I? I hate asking myself these types of questions because I know I know the answer but I'm not about to let myself say it. So right now it's either college or I get a full-time job and work my life away. I don't know if I like those options very much. Take Mike, for example, he has a job that he isn't very fond of at all, but he's doing it because he can't afford to go to collge where he would like to. He has come to the realization that unless something drastic changes, then he will be working the same way for the rest of his life. I don't want to work in a factory for the rest of my life, but I don't really like Parkside at all, and that is about all that my parents can afford even though they're too proud to say it. At least my dad is, anyway. I'm thinking that maybe I should work for a little while and then maybe I could help my parents out with some of the expenses, like living there or something. That idea doesn't sound too horrible. Until the decision is made that I shall emd up doing whatever, or I beat Mike to the winning lottery ticket, decisions, decisions, decisions.....
Quote of the day: It's mine, it's pure, and, as decent as I can make myself, inside, we all know, only the strong survive......(Flaw)

:: Colin 7:27 PM [+] ::
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