:: Against the Sky ::

Can't say that I'm ahead of my time, I fear my time will never come.
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:: Friday, April 25, 2003 ::

Not much happened today, I don't even know why I felt like blogging, but here I am again. MY brother went to Madison to visit UW Madison's engineering dpt. He hated it. But then, he is only 17 and he hates everything. I don't even remember being like that, although my parents tell me otherwise. I realize now that I used to be a real asshole to my parents. I see it everyday when my brother talks to one of them. He just bitches and moans about everything, they try to be nice and he ignores them. I wish I would have listened a bit more. I think the hardest thing to realize while growing up and maturing is that parents really DO understand, and it's really hard to come to terms with. You can't deal with knowing that your parents went through exactly what you are, or at least something similar, because it's a lot easier for you to shrug that off and not think about it. That way, you can feel depressed all the time and keep that thought in your head that you are alone and the only one who has ever gone through whatever you are going through, that this has never happened to anyone and that there is something wrong with you. I don't understand why it is easier to feel depressed than to be happy and content with life, but contentment is also something one must work at. You have to deal with things as they come, you can't let them build up and then explode, well you can it just isn't worth the trouble people go through when you do.
*Sighs and wipes forehead*
Since I got back from Ohio, I've been talking to this girl named Amy, Lance's friend. He is extremely over-protective of this chick. She has been dating this guy Chuck for the last 4 and a half years and is now sort of questioning the relationship and its worth. Her opion is that, since she's not going to marry this guy, why should she stay with him anymore. Chuck is the only guy Lance can tolerate her talking to. I called Lance last night and talked to him about his overprotectiveness, and then he sent me an email saying that he loves her and he can't deal with her talking to other guys. When she does, he feels inferior and wonders-why not me? In a positive note, he realizes that he has a problem, but he doesn't know how to go about changing his actions. I called her last night and talked to her for a while, then I called him and I mentioned that I had called her. He hung up on me and then called her and started bitching insesently about how, since I am a guy, and that I am a guy who has lost his virginity, all I want from this girl is sex. This really pissed me off. Just because I have had sex doesn't mean that I want to fuck every girl I talk to. His has these stereotypes in his mind about what guys are like, and they are based on a few guys that he knows in Circleville, and then applies those stereotypes to everyone. You can't do that. I explained that to him and he basically apologized after I explained my position. I like this girl too. But I don't want anything form her. At least not now. I don't really know yet. I think she's really cool, and that's about it. If things were different, maybe I would be having different thoughts about her, Lance, and the whole situation. I feel sorry for Lance, but Amy on the other hand doesn't. It makes sense because she is the one that always has to bear the brunt of his feelings. I'm not around to get yelled at, and even if I was I don't think he would yell at me. I think he is embarassed by his actions and he doesn't want me involved in something like this, which is understandable. I'm sure when he can, he wants me to have a good impression of him and something like this could change that and he doesn't want that. I would feel the same way, I do feel the same way. I want Lance to have a god impression of me as often as I can help it. I want to be involved in his life still, as I still consider him to be my best friend, even though I see him for a week like every two years. But I really don't think there is anything necessarily wrong with me talking to Amy, and there is no reason to be pissed about it. I'm sure it is kind of awkward for him to hear about like that (me telling him on the phone), but hey, we did, and I want to continue talking to her. I wouldn't mind getting to know her. She seems really cool, and even sane sometimes. So right there she's got what, every woman up here beat? :P I gave Lance the best advice I could, as far as I can tell, and when I talked to Amy today, she said he was doing better but he really didn't say much of anything to her. Maybe it's working, maybe he's jsut pissed off in general now and doesn't feel like talking to anyone. I don't know, I'm not there. Amy and I discussed her moving up, and how much of a ripple it would cause in the general scheme of all things Circleville, Lance, her, and I, but nonetheless she said the only thing holding her back is Chuck. She on the verge of saying fuck Lance, which no one wants her to say, and just not dealing with his shit anymore. You can't really blame her for thinking that, and it's to be expected after a while. Lance is the kind of guy that can give his heart to anyone. It wouldn't matter if they took it and ripped it into shreds, or if they cradle it with careful, steady arms. He has this blind love thing going on right now, and he always has as a matter of fact. He is blocking out any bad qualities in Amy and dwelling on the good ones, to a fault. He loves this girl, but she doesn't return the feelings that he gives. That is why he has such a hard time dealing with her talking to other guys. One thing is for sure. I would never do anything to that guy to make him feel like I wasn't his friend or I didn't care, because I am and I do. He still is plaaning on moving up to Madison with me at the end of summer, at least for now. He said he was going to talk to the manager at KFC and see if it would be possible for him to get transfered to one up there, that way he would have a garaunteed job when he got there. I would be willing to let Amy stay at my place if she really wanted to move up, and was completely serious. She says she is already, aside from Chuck, but something in her voice tells me otherwise. Oh well. Things will settle themselves if no one does anything about it. That's all for now.

Quote of the day: (my mom) " You will NEVER guess what I got you while I was in Madison today Colin!!" "Well, I'm not going to guess, so why don't you just tell me?" "Ok, look in the fridge." All that's in there is some ketchup and a can of Mountain Dew." " Well, it's not the kecthup!" "Jesus, you need a life mom."

Time: 2:47 a.m.
Place: My house.
I was sleeping until I was awakened by this rediculously loud rustling noise coming from the kitchen. I got up to see what it was, and I looked in to see my brother wrestling with the trash bag in the trash container in the kitchen. "What the fuck are you doing? It's 3 o'clock in the morning! Shouldn't you be asleep or something?" "I'm taking the trash out." "What the fuck are you doing that for now?" "Mom told me to do it before tomorrow."
God my family is fucking insane.

:: Colin 10:08 PM [+] ::
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